Vacation

[matty]

So Aaron's been on a two-week vacation. He's going to Memphis, then to New Orleans, then to Corpus Christi, then bouncing across Texas to New Mexico, where he will spend a couple days in Roswell, then up to Albequerque to meet some friends, then back across the Plains to Missouri. Sounds awesome.

But while he's away, I've had a bit of an ordeal.

First of all, I have a ridiculous schedule, which includes two twelve-hour days between work and the Dojang, and six days a week, so I apologize that I haven't been on the board to see all the funny comments about my absence.

Second of all, I decided that while Aaron was gone, I was going to get a new video game and play the shit out of it (which I never did), and that I was going to be in a hellatious purple haze the entire time. Which I definitely have done. But not without consequence.

Aaron has things that need tending to while he's gone, including: Two parakeets, four fish (in three different tanks), and a kitten that likes to tear ass all over the apartment and generally act like a little asshole.

Responsibility sucks!

[matty]

So Aaron took over his apartment from Julie, aka Patchouli Julie, aka Big J. Hippie lesbian with dreds. Stoned 100% of the time. Sexual predator.

Aaron left on Saturday, but Big J didn't leave until Tuesday. She had a last fling out on the town, which I joined her for, and then she hooked up with some girl and took her back to the apartment, and into her bedroom, which is now Aaron's bedroom, and all of his shit is everywhere.

Julie likes sextoys. She just does. You have to fuck something between girlfriends. So she brings her hookup home and is for the first time in her life embarassed about her sex toys, which are laying scattered all over the room. She hides them by throwing the piles of Aaron's clothes over them. Then she has sex, and the next day she packs up all of her shit and starts the long move to Colorado.

She calls me the next day saying, "oops. I forgot something." She wants me to box up her dildos and mail them to her. But she can't remember where she put them, because Big J is always fucking high. So I have to dig around in Aaron's room through piles and piles of clothes looking for dildos, while Carissa pokes at other piles with her foot. We found them pretty easily, as THEY WERE HUGE. I mean.. JESUS.

[matty]

Meanwhile, Aaron calls me to say that Memphis is cool, and he hates New Orleans because you have to walk too much, and many of the bars have a two drink maximum, forcing you to pub crawl and walk some more. But he loved that at the hostile they stayed at there was a vending machine with $1 beers in it, and it blew his fucking mind.

He also camped out overnight on the beach in Corpus Christi. It was the first time he's ever seen the ocean. He built an enormous sandcastle. But sleeping on the beach hurt his back, and he hasn't slept good since. Also, he's got sand in every orifice, and halfway through Texas he was still picking sand out of places here and there. But he's having the time of his life.

[Soul Queen]

His trip sounds awesome.

Your dildo story is pretty funny too.

I need to take an extended roadtrip to somewhere. Sometimes I think I'm too responsible.

[Ag Au]

so you boxed up and mailed a giant box of dildos, been stressed out over taking care of the zoo, all without the aid of sweet video games while your fella has been galavanting all over the states? you're a good guy matty. if karma counts for anything, your compensation will be ten fold.

[slam]

something about aaron roaming around the south on a road trip strikes me as particularly hillarious.