Vegas

[Diamond Vision]

Going to Vegas over Labor Day to visit my dear friend Billy Butts!

Anyone been before? Is there anything I shouldn't miss? What's the deal with gambling? know how to beat the system?

any advice appreciated!

[JVO]

Tips for any trip to the casino.

Under no circumstances should you play any of the following games:

* Roulette (even the black/red bet is a rip off since the odds do not take into account the two green zero spots)
* Money Wheel (I am addicted to the $ wheel like it is crack cocaine, but it really is one of the worst games to play from an odds standpoint)
* Let it Ride
* Any poker game where you are playing against the casino.
* Caribean Stud
* Any Slot machine under any circumstance...if you must play a slot machine always make the maximum bet possible for the best odds payoffs. If this means you have to play nickle machines so be it! Also if you are going to hang out with the blue hairs and play the slots, try to find machines that say Progressive on them. If you get whatever is the best thing the machine offers you will win a butt load of money.
* Any and all Video Poker machines. Again if you must play them, always bet the maximum amount possible per hand for the best payoffs. Also stay away from video poker machines that have wild cards. They are a complete rip off. I would suggest a regular Jacks or Better game.

Games you should play at the casino:

Blackjack - any casino will have "system cards" in the gift shop. These wallet sized cards will tell you everything you need to know to play the best BJ possible (without counting cards). The casino still has a slight advantage, but it is under 1%. Also, at the BJ table, you can set your cheat card right down next to your cards as you play. You can also ask the dealer what to do if you are confused. Most dealers have "the system" memorized. If the dealer does help you and you win, make sure and leave them a tip! Another note about BJ, never take Insurance unless you have a BlackJack. In this case they will offer you Even Money. Take it! Also, stay away from BJ games that have side bets for 7's or 3's or any other bullshit the casino comes up with. These are all devices to fuck the players. Just stick to regular BJ.

Craps - I know the game seems extraordinarily complicated, but it really is one of the easiest games at the casino. I recommend taking a class. Most casinos during the slow hours (early afternoon) offer classes at the craps table. In case you can't catch a class do the following: Walk up to the table and throw your wad of cash on the table. One of the dealers will give you chips (I would play at a table with the lowest minimum you can find, probably $5). Wink at someone you find attractive and order yourself a stiff drink. Then when you see the dealer move the dice to a new "shooter" take a $5 chip (or whatever the min is) and place it on the pass line (Outer oval all around the table marked "pass line" ). The shooter will now roll the dice. If they come up 7 or 11 you win $5. If they come up 2, 3, or 12 (craps) you lose your $5. More than likely the roll will not be a winner or craps, so let's say the roll is a 9. So now take another $5 (you can acutally place as much as 10 times your original bet and the more the better since this is the only time you and the casino have a fair fight, but if you are anything like me you will be relunctant to put $50 on the roll of the dice) and place it outside of your original pass line bet. This is called an odds bet and it is the only time when you are playing against the casino where the game is fair so it is very important that you make this bet!!!!!!!!! Since a 9 was rolled on the "Come out roll" one of the dealers will pull out a disc and place it on the 9 on the table so everyone knows what the number is. Now if the dealer rolls another 9 BEFORE a 7 than you will win $5 on your pass line bet and "true odds" on your odds bet (which for a nine is $15). If the dealer rolls a 7 before a nine you lose both bets. Ignore everything else at the table they are all sucker bets.

Poker games where you play against people are the absolute best game you can play since you are playing against actual people and the casino could care less who wins. If you have never played poker before I would recommend you buy a book showing you how to play and includes odd's tables. Also stay away from No Limit games or you will end up broke!!!!! As far as limit games, I have gone to the casino 4 times in the last month only to play $3/$6 Limit Texas Hold 'em and have won over $500. I have played poker my whole life and have read several books on the subject, so you may not have the same type of success your first try, but nothing feels more like Vegas then smoking a cigar at the poker table.

Bacarat - This is the most stupid game in the history of games (even worse than tic-tac-toe) and normally the only tables that offer it are high limit tables, but nonetheless it is a pretty good game for the player. All you have to do is pick who you think will win, you or the dealer. That's it. You don't even need to know what the rules are (they are stupid anyway) just make your bet on you or the dealer and the dealer will take care of the rest.

keno - This is another game favored by the 80 year olds. Bascially it is exactly like loto. You pick a certain number of spaces on a card. The more of the spaces that match up with the Keno gods the more $ you win. Really boring and dumb, but if you are sitting at the bar talking to whoever you winked at, at the craps table, it will give you something to do during the awkward quiet time.

That pretty much sums it up. If you are staying at a hotel that has a casino, there will probably be a couple of channels on the room's tv that will explain different games to you. Most people are afraid to sit down at the table games their first time and decide to stick with the machines. Don't do that!!!! Machines are mathematically rigged to fuck you as much as possible. Don't be afraid to sit at any table game (just remember the people at the table are no bigger assholes than you) the dealers will always be friendly and will always help you with any questions you might have. If you are completely clueless just tell them and they will literally teach you as you play. The dealers want you to win, because the more you win the more they get tiped. Most importantly, drinks are free in all casinos all the time!!!! So get your drink on and have fun.

Let me know how you do and Good Luck!!!!

[larryhead]

Gambling is my vote - if yer gambling they will keep bringing you drinks if you want... so you can get wasted for free! Have you ever been to any casinos before Diamond? If yer a newb then be careful, it can get pricey if you dont' know what you're doing. ;)

Be sure to walk down the mainstreet and check out the Bellagio water fountain show... and ask your buddy about night clubs if you're into that... a lot of them are open all night long and lots of fun... Talking Sandwich hit up this one in the basement of House of Blues that was pretty insane. Also, there's this new casino called the Wynn that just opened that is supposed to be the shit, they spent like $2 billion on it.. .there's a fake mountain w/ waterfall in front of it.. so might wanna check that one out too. Have fun, spend yer money wisely. :)

:banana: