matty
09-07-2007, 03:29 AM
While getting drunk on gas station wine, smoking menthol cigarettes, and waiting for my 20-year-old Communist lover to show up, I was looking at old stuff I wrote and found this. I prolly posted it a long time ago, but fuck it, 'cause they're funny and I'm drunk.
These are ideas for taglines for a fashion show that Carissa (Sesqi) and AndiKay (Miss Kay Fashion) were involved with. (Incidentally, I modeled for this show. I was fabulous in Sesqi-wear.)
Sesqi
What are you looking at? You wish. You try to copy it, but it copies you. Except that you suck, and Sesqi doesn't.
Miss K Fashion
Hot like a hot dog. If it was a hot dog, you'd deep throat it.
Sesqi
Your job sucks. Your hair is boring. You put on sixteen pounds over Christmas. The world is in turmoil. All we have is fashion.
Miss K Fashion
This time period is not cool enough for my shit. Can you handle my shit? Handle it!
Sesqi
Sometimes I am so overcome with the fashion that I hurt myself. I sew my clothes together and I feel better. Die, commie scum.
Miss K Fashion
All the heads turn. Boys in their cars have accidents. All the women you know suddenly turn bitchy.
Sesqi
If I was an ice cream cone, I'd lick myself. Sluuuuuuurp!
Miss K Fashion
I wonder why you're wearing that when you could be wearing this. Your shoes make me vomit.
Sesqi
Don't cram some of it in your ass. Cram it ALL!!!
Miss K Fashion
Drunk girl, with fabulous shoes. There's puke in your hair, and blood on the front of your shirt. Your eyes are hollow. Now that's fashion.
Sesqi
I wish I could lick my own butt. Everybody tells me it's delicious.
Miss K Fashion
It's Miss K, not Missus. Get the hint, asshole? Get on it!
Sesqi
Remember when George Michael got caught sucking dick in a men's restroom, and then he made a totally cool song and video to commemorate it? It's like that, but not trashy. Well, not as trashy.
Miss K Fashion
Get your titties out—it's a party!
Sesqi
Sometimes, I wish I could just make things never exist. Like your outfit.
Miss K Fashion
If I could shoot lazer beams out of my eyes, I'd shoot your head off. Then I would take those shoes off your knobby feet and wear them to a happening party. But not the purse.
Sesqi
That dress is like a hole in the wall.
Miss K Fashion
My style hits you like a sock full of nickels.
Sesqi
A model should be like a Kleenex. Thin, disposable, and full of snottiness.
Miss K Fashion
Virgin blood is the new black.
Sesqi
I have a $600 Barbie in my kooch.
Miss K Fashion
Last year's shoes. Tangerine handbags. Famous Bar sale racks. Where does it all end?
Sesqi
Check it, y'all. My style wif the bling-bling got youse all nutters.
Miss K Fashion
Repent, for the fashion apocalypse is at hand! Get thee behind me, Winnie the Pooh sweater!
Sesqi
That's what you're wearing?? I thought you were going to the gym!
Miss K Fashion
Where did that hair style come from? Did you just get out of prison?
Sesqi
I thought the saddest thing about your outfit was your dress, but then I saw your face.
These are ideas for taglines for a fashion show that Carissa (Sesqi) and AndiKay (Miss Kay Fashion) were involved with. (Incidentally, I modeled for this show. I was fabulous in Sesqi-wear.)
Sesqi
What are you looking at? You wish. You try to copy it, but it copies you. Except that you suck, and Sesqi doesn't.
Miss K Fashion
Hot like a hot dog. If it was a hot dog, you'd deep throat it.
Sesqi
Your job sucks. Your hair is boring. You put on sixteen pounds over Christmas. The world is in turmoil. All we have is fashion.
Miss K Fashion
This time period is not cool enough for my shit. Can you handle my shit? Handle it!
Sesqi
Sometimes I am so overcome with the fashion that I hurt myself. I sew my clothes together and I feel better. Die, commie scum.
Miss K Fashion
All the heads turn. Boys in their cars have accidents. All the women you know suddenly turn bitchy.
Sesqi
If I was an ice cream cone, I'd lick myself. Sluuuuuuurp!
Miss K Fashion
I wonder why you're wearing that when you could be wearing this. Your shoes make me vomit.
Sesqi
Don't cram some of it in your ass. Cram it ALL!!!
Miss K Fashion
Drunk girl, with fabulous shoes. There's puke in your hair, and blood on the front of your shirt. Your eyes are hollow. Now that's fashion.
Sesqi
I wish I could lick my own butt. Everybody tells me it's delicious.
Miss K Fashion
It's Miss K, not Missus. Get the hint, asshole? Get on it!
Sesqi
Remember when George Michael got caught sucking dick in a men's restroom, and then he made a totally cool song and video to commemorate it? It's like that, but not trashy. Well, not as trashy.
Miss K Fashion
Get your titties out—it's a party!
Sesqi
Sometimes, I wish I could just make things never exist. Like your outfit.
Miss K Fashion
If I could shoot lazer beams out of my eyes, I'd shoot your head off. Then I would take those shoes off your knobby feet and wear them to a happening party. But not the purse.
Sesqi
That dress is like a hole in the wall.
Miss K Fashion
My style hits you like a sock full of nickels.
Sesqi
A model should be like a Kleenex. Thin, disposable, and full of snottiness.
Miss K Fashion
Virgin blood is the new black.
Sesqi
I have a $600 Barbie in my kooch.
Miss K Fashion
Last year's shoes. Tangerine handbags. Famous Bar sale racks. Where does it all end?
Sesqi
Check it, y'all. My style wif the bling-bling got youse all nutters.
Miss K Fashion
Repent, for the fashion apocalypse is at hand! Get thee behind me, Winnie the Pooh sweater!
Sesqi
That's what you're wearing?? I thought you were going to the gym!
Miss K Fashion
Where did that hair style come from? Did you just get out of prison?
Sesqi
I thought the saddest thing about your outfit was your dress, but then I saw your face.