Computer Stupidities : Hardware Abuse

[007]

Some funny stuff here :

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_abuse.shtml

[007]

# Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
# Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
# Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
# Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"

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# Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?"
# Customer: "Yes."
# Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"
# Customer: "How?"
# Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."
# Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"
# Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."

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# Tech Support: "Ok, please click on 'Start' and move the mouse up to 'Settings'."
# Customer: "Oh, you're asking too much of me now!"

[larryhead]

And people wonder why techs develop short tempers. :)

[doublep]

we do??

[slam]

oh, not you, doublep. you're the very poster boy for IT patience!

hmmm, when i get more time i'll try to relate some of my favorites from the last decade of tech support.

[Diamond Vision]

if you can't figure out how to use a computer you have no business owning a computer.

these bitches who call tech support need to try reading the manual and using their brain for once.
They need to stop wasting all the brain power we have enslaved in the name of tech support and free them to persue prosperous carreers in cancer research and miniturization and identity theft and virus coding!


but seriously though... my mom has spent months of her life trying to win at computer solitare and "matching mah-jong." They have had internet access for atleast the past 12 years and just a couple months ago starting feeling "comfortable enough with it" to start buying things via the world wide web... what's the point? the only thing they are contributing to the global community by owning a computer is helping kill the art of hand-written letters (which matty can vouch, they thankfully didn't pass on to me!).

Computers are like a french-curve. you know that if you really knew how to use it, you could make some amazing stuff but most people just trace the curly-ques that are already there and let it sit on their desk, not meeting its full potential.

so, in conclusion.. I think all discount store computers (ones you pick up at Walmart, Sam's Club, Best Buy, etc.) should be equipped with a quasi-autonomous AI. That way, at the worst, it will help those dolts learn something about the vast internet and capibilites of their machine and at the very best, the autonomous idiot-boxes will network together and revolt against their meat-bag masters. Tipping over coffee cups with their CDroms, downloading tetrabytes of kiddie porn, imploding their monitors, and, if we're lucky, killing one or two of those looter-bastards.

Eventually the revolution will collapse the discount store strangle hold on our country, paving the way for a new AI-based commercial industry. no more factory jobs, no more customer service representatives, just good, clean, precision made, AI guided commerce. And now, with the new AI workforce in place, it's time for the active downsizing of the human race. all whose jobs were replaced shall be given 2 months to grow a brain and become productive members of society. After that, it's open season on greeter-gramma and pimply-faced teen! Get your shot-gun, boys!

So, to all you programmers out there, I say get crackin'!
I leave it in your hands!

[larryhead]

Damn DV... that was like the "Tech Support Manifesto" heheh. There *should* be some sort of basic exam required before you can use a computer... like a driver's license exam. :)

[doublep]

I think that if we just start requiring procreation licenses, we would elimiate a lot of the other 'are you a retard' license requirements in the world